Lonely Hearts Club



Recently widowed Single Arab Woman with Expensive Tacky Tastes is seeking a Single Athletic Director Dictator with Aspirations of Grandeur and Piles Of Money to hold me together with my family in these trying times.  Only bonafide dictators who control their own countries need apply.  A willingness to rape, murder, maim, destroy and plunder in order to keep me accustomed to my life style is mandatory, even if it includes killing extended family members.  Any suitable despot is encouraged to apply, blood relations will be given priority consideration.  Successful applicant will provide own security and security for the extended family and must provide certified copies of Swiss Bank account statements.

Do you have what it takes to fill the void next to me?

Reply in confidence to:

S.H., P.O. Box 666, Sanna, Yemen

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear S.H.:

I am dictator by inheritance from my blessed father, who is God, of a diminutive but powerfully influential third world country with aspirations of world dominance through nuclear proliferation.  I feel that I not only meet, but exceed your requirements as I am a successful rapist, muderer, destroyer of my county’s food chain and economy, plunderer of all things of value in my realm, and, I am an international kidnapper, Director of the PyongYang All Female Kazoo & Drum Corps, and a failed motion picture director.  I have lots of money stashed away in secret bank accounts throughout the world, as I would not want to loose everything that I have plundered from my people over the years.

I have enclosed a recent photograph so you can appreciate my studly-ness and great stature.  Please note that if I accept you as my consort, you will be required to undergo orthopaedic surgery prior to appearing with me in public.

Not only will I fill that void next to you, I will rock your world and fill the void in you, baby.  Size does not matter, it is what you do with your tools that is important.



This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Lonely Hearts Club

  1. Ms. Place says:

    Funny as hell. S’cuse my pun. Love your blog.

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