Are you a citizen of Iraq and have you suffered damage by U.S. military operations? Well the U.S. Army has been thinking about you and equipped its personnel with the IRAQI CLAIMS POCKET CARD. As reported by Paul von Zielbauer in the New YorkTimes, the military has handed out $32,000,000 in cash payments to Afghanis and Iraqis that have incurred property damage, injury or death due to military operations. If you were injured or killed by U.S. personnel and were a non-combatant, you, or your associates who survived have simply to ask the U.S. military personnel present at the incident for a portable pocket casualty receipt.
This process of modern warfare is designed to reduce tedious paperwork, save the trees, and faciliate cash payoffs so that our troops can shoot first and ask questions later, and they, and those of us back home enjoying the good life, can have a clear conscience about any unavoidable collateral damage.
We at BFD can think of only one improvement over this method of easy reparations claims, and that would be to establish an 800 number, that way an innocent Iraqi need only pre-program the speed dialer in his or her cell phone, then, inevitably, when the need arises, press one button, and be instantly connected to the special U.S. Army reparations call center, in Chennai, India and just say: “You are killing me!” to make a claim.