Border Patrol Develops New Program For Quick Deportation Of Undocumented Aliens

As reported by Reuters, the ever resourceful officers of the U.S. Border Patrol have developed a highly efficient, new process for expediting the deportation and return of illegal Mexican aliens to their home country.  The process is highly cost efficient, as it is completely automatic, without any need to assign any Border Patrol officers or contracted agencies to effect the physical transfer of illegal alien Mexicans back to Mexico.

When asked to comment on the new program, Homeland Security director, Michael Chertoff stated:

Building upon the accomplishments of FEMA and Blackwater as they responded to the Katrina disaster, and the expertise in tunnelling technology brought to the table by Richard Stickler, the mining industry appointee as the director of the federal Mine Safety & Health Administration and his buddy, mining magnate Bob Murray, and the sage counsel of Alberto Gonzalez before his departure as the nation’s chief law enforcement officer, we have been able to reduce manpower, improve “turn-around” time, protect our nation from potential terrorist activities, and all at a cost savings to the U.S. taxpayers.

In a nut shell, the new Border Patrol program involves intercepting illegal aliens, handcuffing them, putting them in the Border Patrolman’s car, always insuring that the keys are in the ignition and motor is running, and the illegals will just drive themselves back home.

This is another great example of the efficiencies that the Bushliburton administration have brought to running our government agencies.

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