Doomsdayers, Militias & Tea Baggers Rejoice!

A Vending Machine That Dispenses Gold

Now an easy way for paranoid anti-government extremist morons to husband pure gold with your weapons and survival gear caches.  Conveniently exchange, anonymously, no questions asked, your U.S. banknotes for pure gold, rendered as coins or bars at a vending machine coming to your neighborhood soon from the Gold To Go company.

Don’t have any dollars to feed the machine, no problem, raise cash the modern way, not via drug smuggling or sales and not by bank heists, but through environmentally correct recycling!  The state of California will pay you via the CRV redemption program for all the cans and plastic you can scavenge, steal or smuggle in to the state.  Truly motivated CRV fraudsters can also “double dip” by redeeming their recyclables more than once.

Attention Money Launderers now you can wash your cash and turn it in to pure gold, and avoid those pesky bank CTR reports being sent in to the government.

Don’t delay, begin your recycling today (you will have to smuggle your dollars in to Abu Dhabi though, as that is currently the location of the only operating gold vending machine.)

This entry was posted in Eye Catchers, Modern Life and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Doomsdayers, Militias & Tea Baggers Rejoice!

  1. Stanley says:

    I predict we will see a news report on at least one of these puppies being drug down the road behind a large pickup truck with a chain wrapped around it (and it will undoubtedly be shown on “Wildest Police Chases” on your local cable channel). Yeehaw!!!

  2. Big Fella says:

    Undoubtably, and then when the peckerwoods get it home and try to break in to it, it will fall on them and crush them to death.

  3. Stanley says:

    From that point forward we will have a new phrase for someone at the extreme low end of the I.Q. spectrum – “The Gold Sub-Standard” ;-D>

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